FPQ 98: Confrontation vs Peace

When it comes to your friends, your spouse, your significant other, or members of your family, is it better to confront them about things they say or do that bother or upset you or is it better to try to ignore those things in order to maintain peace in your relationship?

Fandango

My being not confrontational is both a gift and a curse.

I don’t confront people all the time because I am tired of so many things. I hate arguments and I am resigned to fighting.

My husband is a difficult person. It is hard to reason with him because he has anger issues. He is the kindest person you’d meet / know and he would serve you to death but I guess everyone has their own damages and anger is his. Over the years, I have learned that keeping quiet and being the one who would apologize all the time is the key to our lasting relationship, but there are days that I reconsider my stance. I believe the way I react makes him worse because he wasn’t able to see his mistakes… he was unable to learn and grow. I limited his personal growth by trying to keep the peace.

I wasn’t generally a nice person. In fact, I was highly notorious in our neighborhood for being confrontational, argumentative and perhaps you’d find a couple of witnesses that would attest to my being able to physically hurt someone in a fight (I was young once, okay?) but people change. I am not like that anymore. I learned to stop myself from reacting. My husband’s temper has changed the game for me. It was a struggle to keep quiet because most of the time, I am in a suppressed rage and I literally feel like I am having a heart attack.

Like what my sister would say, my passive aggressiveness is radioactive… I wish we can both change.

At the end of it all, I lift it all unto GOD, because only HIM can change both our perspectives. He can make me grow in such a way that will complement my husband without my having to sacrifice parts of me. I continuously pray for my husband to have a broader understanding of things and that I will understand him more instead of just resigning to the fact that I hate arguments— therefore, losing my voice forever. I surrender everything unto GOD.

14 thoughts on “FPQ 98: Confrontation vs Peace

  1. You are always lovely to read, like I am just listening to my friend tell me something. I hope you both find ways to continue to grow as people and cultivate your relationship positively. It is always healthy to recognize our weaknesses and work on them every day. I can be reactive, and I hope to master the pause in time.

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    1. Thank you Micah. I guess in every relationship, there’s that one thing that one has to compromise on. I am sure my husband has his own challenges when it comes to me, perhaps my laziness or my playing Grey’s Anatomy over and over and over? But you are right, it starts from recognizing our weaknesses. I didn’t peg you to be reactive… I told my sister about you and your MBTI since she’s obsessed… sabi nya, ang bait siguro ni Micah…

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      1. You can ask him. Maybe it will be an interesting conversation? How can I explain my being reactive? Not angry or anything, but I can be emotional and after it quickly passes I can see things better and realize how simple whatever it is really is and I could have conserved energy. Haha. Oh she is into MBTI, too? We also enjoy it very much as you know. Did you ever tell me your type? And what is your sister’s?

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          1. Oh, that is also my middle name. Same spelling even. An adventurer! How cool. Interesting how other people cannot see it. But do you agree with your results? As you know Markus had to work through his to type correctly.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Initially, you’d think of me as ENTJ because of my domineering personality. I lead in school, in church, in the nuclear family, in the extended family.. I am the type who gets elected president of student government… the type who gets elected high posts in college orgs while still a freshman… but I do not enjoy that. In fact, I get tired of that. That is me when typed by others.

              Typing myself—- an honest to goodness one, I am an an ISFP ❤️

              Your middle name is Fae? That’s too cute!

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              1. This is the thing with personality types right, it does not lock people in or is a limitation in any way. There is so much to a person that these four letters are just the start to each of our own lovely universes. Yes, it is.

                Liked by 1 person

                    1. I guess when you can relate to both the good and the bad… one would really have their reservations.. pls do try it… and tell me if you felt like it knows you so well 🙂

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  2. A very honest post. Perhaps initiating a conversation when both of you and your husband are calm and in good terms could prove productive, so you are not reacting to a confrontational situation, and may be more objective about how to improve your relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have replied a long comment about this but I dont know why it didnt get through…. I really do hope that we’d get to have a good conversation soon. We’ve been together for so long and we’ve gotten accustomed to this way because we’ve had lots of fights during our early years… but I believe there’s hope.

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